The Way of Perfection · 10 of 46

Chapter 10: She tells the sisters that the above-mentioned disengagement is not sufficient, unless they forsake

HAVING abandoned the world and our kindred, and living hence enclosed under the rules above mentioned, it seems now that we have done everything, and have nothing left to contend with. O! my sisters, be not too secure, nor allow yourselves to sleep, or else you will be like to him who lies down very quietly in bed, having bolted his door fast for fear of thieves, while at the same time he had them in his house. You know there is no thief worse than a domestic one. Since, therefore, we are always ourselves, if great care be not used (as is used in important affairs), and every one do not diligently use all her endeavours to be continually denying her will, there are many things which may deprive us of this holy liberty of the spirit which we seek after, that it may fly to its Creator, without being burdened with earth and lead.

The great remedy against this evil is, continually to remember the vanity of all things, and how soon they come to an end. Thus we shall take off our affections from things so vile, and place them on that which never ends. This may seem a weak remedy, but it strengthens the soul exceedingly. And with regard to very small matters, it is useful to take great care, when we have an affection for any object, to turn our thoughts away from it, and to fix them on God – herein His Majesty assists us, and does us a great favour, because in this house the greatest difficulty has already been overcome. But because this separating from ourselves, and denying and renouncing ourselves is very difficult, since we are so closely united to ourselves and love ourselves so excessively, here true humility may enter; for this virtue and that of mortification, seem always to go together, and they are like two sisters who cannot be separated from each other. These are not the relations from whom I advise you to keep; rather embrace and love them, and never be seen without them.

O sovereign virtues! mistresses of all creatures, empresses of the world, our deliverers from all the snares and toils which the devil lays for us, and so much beloved by our Master Jesus Christ! whoever possesses you may go forth boldly and fight with all the powers of hell united together, and with the whole world and its dangers. Let them not fear anything, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs: they have nothing to fear, for they care not about losing everything, nor do they consider it lost – their only fear is to displease their God; and they beseech Him to strengthen them in these virtues, that so they may not lose them through their own fault. It is true these virtues have this property of hiding themselves from her who possesses them, so that she never sees them, nor does she think she has one of them, though others tell her so. Yet she values them so much, that she still goes on endeavouring to possess them, and to perfect them in herself, although those who do possess them are soon known; for those who converse with them soon notice those virtues, without the individuals themselves wishing it should be so.

But how foolish is it for me to attempt to praise humility and mortification, which have been so highly commended by the King of Glory, and so strongly confirmed by His sufferings! You must labour then, my daughters, to leave the land of Egypt; for if you obtain these virtues, you will find manna. All things will be sweet to you, and however unsavoury they may be to the taste of worldlings, to you they will be pleasant. The first thing we must aim at, is to banish from ourselves the love of this body of ours, for some of us are so delicate in our constitution, that no little pains are to be taken herein; and we are so careful of our health, that it is wonderful to see the war these two things raise, especially among nuns, and even among those who are not Religious. But some nuns amongst us seem to have come to the monastery, for no other object but to endeavour not to die: this each one endeavours to do as far as she can. To speak the truth, there is little convenience in the house for accomplishing this object, and I do not wish you to entertain so much as a desire for such a thing. Remember, sisters, you have come here to die for Christ, and not to regale yourselves for Christ: this, the devil suggests, is necessary, in order to endure and observe the rule the better; and some so much desire to keep the rule by taking care of their health, that they die without even observing it for a month, or perhaps for a day!

I know not, then, why we come here; never fear that we shall want discretion in this respect. This would indeed be wonderful, for the confessors would immediately fear, lest we might kill ourselves with penances; and this want of discretion is so hateful to us, that I wish we observed all the rest as punctually. I know that those who practise the contrary will not agree with what I say; nor need I mind what they say, for I judge of others by myself, that they speak the truth. But I believe, and indeed I know, that I have more companions than I have persons displeased with me, who act differently. I am confident our Lord allows us, therefore, to be more unwell and sickly; at least God has shown me great mercy in being so; for since I was to pamper myself (as I did), He would have it done for some reason; it is pleasant to see the torments with which some afflict themselves, of their own accord. Sometimes a frenzy seizes them of doing penance, without using any moderation or discretion, and this lasts for two days, so to speak. The devil afterwards suggests to their imagination, that such mortifications do them harm, and hence they never do any more penance; no, not even what the rules of the order command, having already found the mortifications hurt them. Then they do not observe even the meanest injunctions of the rule, such as silence, which cannot do us any harm; and no sooner do we fancy that we have the headache, but we refrain from going to choir, which is not likely to kill us either. One day we omit going because our head aches, the next because it did ache, and three more days we keep away, lest it should ache! We love to invent penances of our own, that we may be able to do neither the one nor the other; and even at times when we are not so ill, we think ourselves obliged to do nothing, but that we satisfy for everything by asking leave.

You may ask, "Why does the prioress grant leave?" I answer, did she know your interior, perhaps she would not do so; but as you inform her of your wants, and the doctor does not fail to support the account you give, and as there may be some friend or relation of yours who stands weeping by her side, what is the poor prioress to do, though she sometimes sees you go too far? She is scrupulous lest she might be wanting in charity. She would much rather you would fail therein than she herself, and she does not think it just to judge evil of you. O my God! can such complaint be found among nuns? May He pardon me, for I fear it has already become a custom. These things, it may be, happen sometimes; and I mention them here that you may be on your guard against them; for if the devil once begin to terrify us with the idea, that we have not good health, we shall never do anything. May God give us light to be right in everything. Amen.