The Way of Perfection · 38 of 46

Chapter 38: On the words, “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

WE must here understand and meditate upon great things, since we ask for such. Now observe, sisters, that I consider it very certain that those who arrive at such perfection do not herein beg of our Lord to free them from afflictions, from temptations, and combats, for this is a very certain sign that it is the Spirit of God, and that there is no illusion in the contemplation and favours which His Majesty bestows on them, since, as I said a little before, they rather desire them, and even ask for them and love them. They are like soldiers, who are the most pleased, when there is the most fighting, because they hope to obtain more booty. If there be none, they serve for their pay, but they see they cannot benefit themselves much thereby.

Believe me, sisters, that the soldiers of Christ, I mean those who have arrived at contemplation, long to meet with occasions of fighting. Public enemies they never dread much, because they know them already, and sufficiently understand that by the strength which God gives them they have no power, but are always defeated, and they themselves gain very great profit and never turn their backs. Those indeed whom they fear, and it is proper they should always fear them, and beseech God to be delivered from them, are certain treacherous enemies – the devils, who transform themselves into angels of light: they come in disguise, and will not let themselves be known till they have done much harm in the soul, sucking out our very blood and destroying our virtues, so that we fall into a temptation, and never perceive it. Let us, daughters, often pray in the “Our Father,” and beseech God to deliver us from these enemies, and not permit us to fall into temptation, lest they delude us: let us pray that the poison may be discovered, and that they hide not the light from us. And indeed, with what great reason does our Good Master teach us to ask this blessing, and He Himself asks it for us! Consider, daughters, that they do evil in many ways; think not this consists in making us believe that the favours and caresses which they can counterfeit in us come from God. This seems to me to be the least part of the mischief which they can do us: on the contrary, it may happen that thereby they make some travel faster, because being allured by that pleasure, they spend more time in prayer: and as they are ignorant that it comes from the devil, and seeing themselves unworthy of these caresses, they will never desist from giving thanks to God, and therefore they consider themselves the more obliged to serve Him: they will also strive to dispose themselves, that God may confer more favours upon them, thinking they all come from His hand.

Always endeavour, sisters, to acquire humility; and consider that you are not worthy of these favours, and therefore do not seek them. I am confident, that by this means the devil will lose many souls, while he thinks to bring about their ruin, and our Lord works our good from the evil the devil intends doing. His Majesty beholds our intention, which is, to please and serve Him by remaining with Him in prayer, and our Lord is faithful. It is good to proceed with caution, that so no breach may be made in humility by any vain-glory; and beseech our Lord to deliver you from this; and be not afraid, daughters, that His Majesty will suffer you to be caressed much by any but by Himself. But that by which the devil may do great mischief, without our discovering it, is in making us believe we have virtues which we do not possess; this deceit is a very pestilence, for in caresses and favours we seem only to receive something, and we remain so much the more obliged to serve our Lord: but here it seems that we give something, and that our Lord is bound to pay us, and thus by little and little great evil is produced. On the one hand, our humility is awakened, and on the other we neglect to acquire that virtue which we think we already possess. And thus we imagine we go on securely, without perceiving it, and we fall into a ditch from which we cannot get out; and though it may not be evidently a mortal sin, which always leads us to hell, it so disables us, that we cannot travel along the road of which I began to speak, for I have not forgotten it.

I tell you that this is a very dangerous temptation. I know by experience a great deal about it, and so I can explain it to you, though not so well as I could wish. And what is the remedy, sisters, for this? The best, in my opinion, is that which our Master teaches us, viz., prayer, beseeching our Eternal Father not to suffer us to fall into temptation. I will also tell you another remedy. If we think our Lord has already given us any virtue, we are to understand it is a blessing we have received, and that He may take it from us again, as indeed it happens many times, and not without great providence on the part of God. Have you never perceived this, sisters, in yourselves? I have, and sometimes I think I am very disengaged from earthly things; and indeed, when it comes to the trial, I am so. At other times I find myself so attached, and this to things perhaps, at which I should have laughed the day before, that I hardly know myself. Another time I seem to have great courage; and as regards anything which would tend to promote God’s honour, I would not turn my back upon it, and upon trial I find I have it in some things; the next day it happens that I find I have not so much courage as would be sufficient to kill an ant for God’s sake, should I meet with any opposition. Sometimes methinks, I do not care at all for whatever people may say about me, or however much they may detract me; and I have sometimes found it so by experience, and it has rather pleased me. There are days again, when a single word afflicts me, and I would willingly leave this world, since here, it seems, everything disgusts me. And in this respect I am not alone; I have observed this in many persons better than myself, and I know it happens so.

If this then be the case, who can say of himself that he has virtues, or that he is rich, when at the very time that he stands in need of virtue, he finds himself destitute of it? We must not say so, sisters; but let us always think ourselves poor, and not run into debt, when we have no means of paying, for our treasures must come from another quarter, and we know not when our Lord may leave us in the prison of our own misery, without giving us any assistance. And if others or we should think ourselves good, because He shows us favours and grants us honours, which I said are only lent us, both they and we too shall find ourselves deceived. The truth is, that by our serving with humility, our Lord at last helps us in our necessities; but if this virtue be not really in our soul, our Lord will leave you to yourselves in everything. This is an exceeding great favour on His part, in order that you may greatly esteem this virtue, and understand that we have nothing, except what we receive.

Observe, also, another remark which I will make. The devil makes us believe we have some virtue (suppose the virtue of patience), because we resolve to suffer, and we make frequent acts of suffering much for God’s sake, and we think we really should so suffer; and on this account we are greatly pleased, and the devil helps us to believe this. I advise you not to make any account of these virtues, nor let us think we know them except by name, or that God has bestowed them upon us, till we discover some proof of this. It may happen that one word will be spoken which displeases you, and then your patience may fall to the ground. When you suffer often, then praise God, for He begins to teach you this virtue; and strive to suffer, because it is a proof He wishes you to repay it to Him, since He gives it to you: but consider it only as something deposited, as I have already told you.

Another temptation the devil makes use of is, to make you believe that you are truly poor; and he has some good reason, because in words you have taken a, vow of poverty, as every Religious does, or because you desire in your heart to be such, as persons do who practise prayer. Poverty then being thus bound, or if she thinks she is poor, she thus speaks to herself, “I desire nothing: this I have because I cannot be without it; in a word, I must live to serve God, and He wishes us to support these bodies.” A thousand other things I might mention which the devil, disguised as an angel of light, persuades her to believe, because all this is good; and so he makes her believe that she is poor already, and that she has this virtue, and that everything is done which can be done.

Let us now come to the proof, for this cannot be known in any other way than by continually reflecting on our actions; and if we take any care, the temptation will immediately discover itself. One person, for instance, has an estate which is superfluous. I speak of what is necessary, and not that he should keep three servants, when he can do with one: he is sued for some money, or a poor farmer neglects to pay him his rent, and this troubles and afflicts him as much as if he were not able to live without it. He will reply, perhaps, that his trouble arises lest he might lose his estate through his own neglect; and thus there is always some excuse. Now, I do not here mean to say he should neglect his business, but rather he should mind it; so that if it prosper, well and good; and if not, it is well also. For one who is truly poor, esteems these things so little, that though he attends to them for certain reasons, yet they never disturb him, because he never imagines he shall be in want; and even if he should be in want, this does not trouble him much. He considers it as a thing accessory, and not the principal; having higher thoughts, he is occupied on the other hand only by force. A religious man or woman who is poor, (or, at least, ought to be so), possesses nothing, because sometimes they have it not; but if a person bestows anything upon him, it would be a wonder, it would be wonderful, if he were to consider it superfluous; he always loves to have something preserved; and if he can have a habit made of fine stuff, he asks not for a coarse one: he will have some small article, which he can pawn or sell, though it may consist of books, because if sickness comes, he will require better nourishment than usual. Wretched sinner that I am! Is this what you have promised, to forget yourselves, and leave the matter to God, come what may? If you go on providing for the future, you may with less distraction enjoy a fixed revenue. Though this may be done without sin, yet it is proper that we understand these imperfections, in order that we may see how much we want towards possessing this virtue, and that we may ask it of God, and obtain it; for if we imagine we possess it, we grow careless, and (what is worse) are deluded.

The same happens to us with regard to humility, for we think we do not desire honour, nor care for anything: but when an occasion presents itself relating to some trifle, it will immediately appear by what you feel and do, that you are not humble, for if anything should happen which tends more to your honour, you do not reject it; nor do those poor, of whom we spoke, reject what is more beneficial to them, and God grant they may not seek it too. But they have the words so often in their mouths, viz., that they desire nothing (and they really think so), that even the habit of saying this makes them more ready to believe it. It is very important for this purpose always to watch over ourselves, in order to discover this temptation, and also to be watchful in other matters, as well in the things I have already mentioned. For when our Lord gives only one of these virtues, it seems to draw all the rest after it; this is a truth well known. But I wish to remind you again, that though you may think you possess the virtue, yet you must fear being deceived, for the truly humble man is always doubtful of his own virtues; and those which he sees in his neighbour very frequently appear to him to be the most certain and valuable.