The Way of Perfection · 9 of 46

Chapter 9: She speaks on the great advantage those enjoy who, having abandoned the world, have abandoned their

IF we Religious did but understand what harm we receive by frequently conversing with our relatives, how should we shun them! I do not understand what consolation that is which they give – (even independent of what relates to God), if it be merely to promote our quiet and repose. In their pleasures we neither can, nor is it lawful for us to participate, but we may feel for their miseries – let none of them pass without deploring them, and this sometimes more than we feel for themselves. I dare say, if those friends refresh the body a little, the soul pays dear for it. But this you are quite free from, for as all things are in common, so that no one can have any particular comfort, hence the alms which are given become general, and she on whom it is bestowed is not obliged to gratify her relations by it, for she knows that our Lord provides for us altogether.

I am astonished at the harm we receive from conversing with them. I am certain no one could imagine it, but he who has experienced it, nor suppose how this perfection seems now-a-days to be forgotten in religious houses, or at least, in the greater part of them. I know not what it is we leave belonging to the world – we who say “we have left everything for God” – if we do not disengage ourselves from the principal obstacle, viz., our kindred. Things have come to such a state, that people consider we are wanting in virtue, if Religious do not love and converse often with their friends, and this they freely declare, and allege their reasons for it. In this house, my daughters, our great care should be to recommend them to God (after what has been said regarding the wants of the Church), and it is only proper we should do so: as to the rest, we should blot them out of our memory as much as possible, because it is natural to place our affections upon them, more than upon other persons. I was (they say) exceedingly beloved by my relations, and I loved them so much, that I did not suffer them to forget me. But yet I found by experience, both in myself and in others, that except parents, who scarcely ever omit providing for their children – (and it is proper, when they need comfort, if we see it does not, on the whole, prejudice us, that we should not show ourselves strangers to them, since this is consistent with perfect abnegation, nor to our brothers) – my kindred have given me the least assistance when I was in trouble; nay, they who have helped me therein, have been the servants of God.

Believe me, sisters, that in serving Him as you ought, you will find no better relations than those servants of His, whom His Majesty will send you. I know this to be the case; and if you be diligent in this way, as you already understand (for in doing otherwise, you will be wanting to your true Friend and Spouse), believe me, you will in a very short time attain this liberty; and you may put more trust in those who love you merely for His sake, than in any of your kindred; for they will not desert you, and those you will find to be fathers and brothers to you, who you did not imagine could ever be so. As these expect their reward from God, they relieve us; while the others who expect some reward from us, seeing that we are poor and unable to benefit them in any way, soon grow weary. And though this may not be the general practice in the world, yet it is very common, because it is, in fact, the world itself. Whoever tells you differently, and that it is a virtue to do so, believe them not; for should I mention all the evils which this love for our friends brings with it, I should be obliged to make a very long discourse; but because others have written on this subject, who know what they say better than I do, let what I have said be sufficient. Since I, who am so imperfect, have understood this matter so well, what will those say who are perfect? It is quite clear, that what the saints tell us about flying from the world, is very good and proper. Now (as I have said before), believe me, that what adheres to us the most are our relations, and most difficult is it to part from them. They do well, therefore, who leave their country: I mean, if this serve to disengage them from their relations, which, I think, does not consist in the body flying away, but in the soul resolutely embracing Jesus, our good Lord; for as she finds all things in Him, she soon forgets everything else. Still it is a great help to go into retirement, till we perfectly understand this truth; for afterwards it may be, our Lord will have us converse with our friends, in order to give us a cross, in that wherein we used to take delight.