The Way of Perfection · 41 of 46

Chapter 41: On the fear of god, and how by it we may avoid venial sins

TO what a length have I spoken! And yet not so much as I could wish, for it is sweet to speak on such a love; what then will it be to possess it! O my Lord! do give it to me; let me not leave this world till I desire nothing in it, nor be capable of loving anything but You: neither let me apply this name of love to what is nothing, since all things are false: if the foundation be such, the building will not last. I know not why we wonder when we hear it said, “This man has not behaved well to me; that other does not love me.” I laugh to myself, and say, “Why should he love you, or how else should he requite you?” Hereby you may learn what the world is, since it afterwards punishes you by that very love which you have for it: and this is what torments you, viz., the will is very much displeased that you have kept her so deeply immersed in children’s play.

Let us now speak of the fear of God, though I am not troubled at discoursing for a short time on this love of the world: for I know it well, and wish you to know it also, that you may always keep yourselves from it: but because this would be wandering from my subject, I must not enter upon it.

The fear of God is likewise a subject which is well understood by him who has it, and by those that treat of it, though I wish you to understand that in the beginning it is not so perfect, except in some persons, to whom (as I have said) our Lord gives in a short time so much, and whom He raises to such a high degree in prayer, that it is then clearly discovered. But where the favours do not come in such abundance, that the soul (as I said) is enriched, by one approach, with all virtues, then this fear goes on increasing by little and little its strength, and augmenting each day its forces. It is perceived from the very beginning, for the persons immediately forsake their sins, and the occasions thereof, and their evil company, and other proofs are discovered. But when the soul has already arrived at contemplation (of which we principally speak here), the love as well as the fear of God are very easily discovered; they are not concealed even in the exterior. These persons, though narrowly observed, will not be found to walk carelessly; for however closely we may watch them, our Lord so preserves them that they would not wilfully commit a venial sin, however much it might be for their interest to do so: mortal sins they dread as much as fire. These are the illusions, sisters, which I wish you to fear so much; and continually beseech God that the temptation may not prove so strong, so as to offend Him, but that it may be proportioned to the strength which He shall give us to overcome it; if your conscience be pure, it can do you little or no harm. This is the point to our purpose; this is the fear which I desire may never be taken away from us, and which will avail us in all our wants.

O! how very important is it, in order that we may chain up those infernal slaves, that we should not offend God, since at last all must serve Him, however unwilling they may be; they perhaps are forced to do so: we do it willingly. Hence, if our Lord be pleased, they will all be kept within bounds, and they shall be able to do nothing to hurt us, however much they may bait us with temptations, and lay secret snares for us. Treasure up this instruction in your interior, for it is very necessary that you be not negligent, till you find in yourselves so strong a resolution of not offending God, that you would lose a thousand lives rather than commit one mortal sin; and as to venial sins, be extremely careful not to commit them wilfully. But who does not commit many which are involuntary? There is, however, one kind of advertence so deliberate and another so sudden, that committing a venial sin and adverting to it are almost the same thing. But may God deliver us from a wilful sin, however small it may be; for I do not understand how we can have the boldness to act in opposition to so great a Lord, even though it were but in a very small matter: how much more when there is nothing little which offends so immense a Majesty, especially as we see that He stands looking at us: hence this seems to me to be a premeditated sin, as if one said: “Lord, though this sin may displease You, yet I will commit it: I now see You behold it, and you dislike it; this I am well aware of: but I prefer to follow my own fancy and passion rather than do Your will.” Now, in a case of this nature, is there anything little? To me the fault seems not little, but great, and very great too.

Consider, sisters, for the love of God, that if you wish to obtain this fear of God, it is very important you should understand how grievous it is to offend God; and reflect upon this truth very frequently in your mind, for our eternal life depends upon it. Strive much more to have this virtue deeply rooted in your soul; and till we possess it, we must continually use the greatest care, and withdraw ourselves from all the occasions of sin, and from all company that does not help us to approach nearer to God. Take care, whatever you do, to subdue your will: and endeavour also, that whatever is spoken may tend to edification: fly from that company, where the discourse is not of God. Much is required on our part, in order deeply to imprint this fear in the soul, though if there be love, it is soon obtained. But when the soul has discovered in herself this strong resolution of which I have spoken, viz., that she would not commit an offence against God for any consideration, though she may sometimes fall afterwards (for we are frail, and have no reason to trust ourselves, since when we seem to be strong, then we ought to be the least confident in ourselves; for whence should our confidence come? It must be from God), let her not be discouraged, but endeavour immediately to ask pardon. When once we perceive in ourselves what I have mentioned, then it is not necessary to be so pensive and scrupulous, since our Lord will assist us, and our good habit will help us not to offend Him; and we shall go on with a holy liberty, treating with whomsoever it shall be proper, though they may not be good persons; for those who were poison to you, before you had this true fear of God, and were instrumental in destroying the soul, will often give you afterwards an opportunity of loving God and of praising Him for having delivered you from what you were in great danger. And if formerly you were instrumental in increasing their weaknesses, you will now help them to refrain from them, because they are in your presence; for without your seeking this honour, you will find it.

I often praise our Lord; and considering how it happens that, without speaking a word, a servant of God may sometimes stop the discourses which are uttered against God, I conclude it must be in the same manner as when we have a friend, there is always such respect shown him, as to induce us not to do him, in his absence, any injury before one who is known to be acquainted with him; and since this person here is in the state of grace, that same grace must certainly cause respect to be be given him, however poor he may be, and that no rudeness be offered to him in a matter which it is known he feels so much; viz., offending God. The truth is, I know not the reason, but this is very common. Hence, you should not afflict yourselves too much; for if the soul once begin to grow timorous, it is a very bad disposition as to all kinds of good, and sometimes she becomes scrupulous; and lo! here it is unserviceable, both for herself and others; and suppose she fall not into scrupulosity, it may be well for herself, but she will not bring many souls to God, when people see so much fear and anxiety. Such is our nature, that it frightens and stifles persons, and (through fear of the like trouble), they relinquish the desire of taking the course which you take, though they clearly perceive it to be more conducive to virtue.

Hence also another evil arises, viz., that in judging of others (who do not go that way, but with greater sanctity, in order to benefit their neighbours, converse with freedom, and without reservedness), they will immediately seem to you imperfect. If they use a holy alacrity, it will seem a laxity of morals; especially in us, who want learning, and who know not how far we may converse with others without sin, it is a very dangerous thing. It is also very bad to be continually tempted (and this is unpalatable, because it is to the prejudice of our neighbour), and to fancy, that except all persons scruple in the same way that you do, they do not go on so well. There is also another evil, viz., that in some matters of which you are to speak, and it is but reasonable you should do so, you will, through a dread of exceeding in something, not dare to speak; or perhaps you will speak well of that, which it were better you should hate and abhor. Endeavour, therefore, sisters, as much as you can, to be affable, without displeasing God; and so conduct yourselves to all persons with whom you may have to speak, that they may love your conversation, and admire your manner of life and discourse, and that they may not be terrified at virtue. This is of great importance for religious women; the more holy they are, the more sociable they should be with the sisters; for though you may be much troubled, because all their discourses are not such as you might desire, yet never be unfriendly with them, and thus you will be loved, and do them much good. We ought to endeavour, as far as we can, to be affable, and to please and content those persons with whom we converse, and especially our sisters.

Endeavour, therefore, my daughters, to understand this truth, that God does not regard such trifles as you imagine; and let not your soul and spirit be too restrained, for they may lose many advantages. Let your intention be right, and the will determined (as I have said) not to offend God: but let not your soul hide herself in a corner; for, instead of acquiring more sanctity, she will contract many imperfections, into which the devil will drive her by other ways; and, as I said, she will not benefit herself or others so much as she might. Here you see how with these two virtues, the love and fear of God, we may travel along this road gently and quietly, though, as the fear must precede, we must not travel carelessly; for while we live we cannot enjoy security, because it would be too dangerous: and this our instructor understood, who at the end of this prayer, utters these words to His Father, “But deliver us from evil,” being one who well understood their necessity.