The Way of Perfection · 19 of 46

Chapter 19: On the kind of prayer those persons should use who cannot discourse with their understanding

IT is so many days since I wrote the preceding discourse, not having an opportunity of resuming it, that unless I read it over again, I know not what I said: but not to lose any time, what I have said must remain written, without order or connection. For solid understandings and souls that are already well trained, and which can continue still within themselves, there are so many excellent books written, and by such eminent persons, that it would be an error in you to pay any attention to what I say with regard to prayer. As I have said, you have these books, wherein the mysteries of our Lord’s life are arranged according to the days of the week: you have likewise meditations on the last Day, on hell, on our own nothingness, and how much we owe to God, with excellent instructions in order, respecting the beginning and end of prayer. Whoever is able, and is accustomed to practise this kind of prayer, has no need of anything being said to him, for by so good a way God will bring him to a port of light, and the end will correspond with such good beginnings. And all those who can go along such a road, enjoy rest and security, for when the understanding is once restrained, we go on with ease. But that which I desire to treat of, is to lay down some remedy, if it please God that I speak to the purpose; if not, that you at least may understand there are many souls who pass through this affliction, and, therefore, if any of you be in the like distress, do not torment yourselves.

There are some souls so disorderly, like unbroken horses, that no one can stop them; but they run here and there – always restless: such is either their nature, or God permits it. I pity them much, since it seems to me they are like persons extremely thirsty, who see water a great distance off, and when they wish to go there, they meet with others who oppose their journey, both in the beginning, and in the mid-way, and at the end. And so it happens, that after they have overcome the first ranks with very great labour, they are left to subdue the second, and thus they would rather die with thirst, than drink water which is to cost them so dear. They want strength, and so their courage fails; and though some have courage for conquering the second kind of enemies, the third quite disheartens them; and perhaps they were not two steps off from the “Fountain of Living Water,” of which our Lord spoke to the Samaritan woman, “of which whoever drinks, shall not thirst.” And with how much reason and truth (since the words were spoken by the mouth of Truth itself), shall such an one never thirst after anything in this life, though with regard to the things of the other life, this thirst is greatly increased, far beyond what we can imagine respecting our natural thirst. But with what a thirst is this thirst desired! for the soul understands its great value, and it is also a very painful thirst that afflicts us, and yet it brings with it a satisfaction, whereby our other thirst is cooled: hence it is a thirst which only extinguishes a thirst for earthly things: it affects us also in such a way, that when God satisfies it, one of the greatest favours He can do the soul, is to leave her in this necessity, and she always has a greater desire to drink again of this water.

Water has three properties (as far as I can now remember), which will illustrate my meaning; it may also have many other properties. The first property is, that it cools, so that however hot we may be, when we take water, our heat goes away; and if there be a great fire, water puts it out, except wildfire, for then it burns the more. O my God! what wonders there are in this fire, which burns the more when water is poured on it, since it is a strong and mighty fire, and is not subject to the other elements! Though water is the opposite element to it, yet this does not extinguish, but rather increases it the more! If I understood philosophy, I could explain this phenomenon, because knowing the properties of things, I should be able to express my meaning better; but now I amuse myself in speaking of it, and I know not how to speak about the matter, and perhaps cannot even understand it. When God shall bring you, sisters, to drink of this water, you will delight in it (as those know who now drink of it), and you will understand how the true love of God is master of all the elements of the world, if it be in its strength and entirely free from all earthly things, and soar above them all. And as water comes from the earth, fear not that it will quench this fire of the love of God: it is not under its jurisdiction; and though they are contrary to each other, this love is now absolute master; it is not subject to the water; and so, sisters, wonder not that I have said so much in this book; for I wish you to obtain this liberty.

Is it not an excellent thing, that a poor nun of St. Joseph’s may obtain dominion over the whole earth and the elements? And what wonder that the saints do with them what they please, by the help of God? Fire and water obeyed St. Martin; the fowls and fishes obeyed St. Francis; and so with regard to other saints, who it clearly appears were such absolute lords of all earthly things, because they laboured so well to undervalue them, and so truly subjected themselves with all their strength to the Lord of the universe. Hence, as I have said, the water which rises from the earth has no power against this fire, the flames of which are very high, and it derives not its origin from so mean a thing as earth. There are other fires, arising from a small love of God, which any event will extinguish; but not this fire; even though a whole sea of temptations should break in, yet it will not make this fire leave off burning; rather will the fire become master of them. If it be water that comes down from heaven, much less will this extinguish the fire; it even revives it more than the other; they are not contraries, but have the same origin. Do not fear, lest one element should destroy the other: one rather helps the other to produce its effect; for the water of true tears, such are those which come from earnest prayer, is given by the King of heaven, and helps to kindle and rather to make the fire continue; and the fire also helps to cool the water. O my God! how pleasant and how wonderful, that fire should cool and even congeal all earthly affections, when it is united with this living water from heaven: and this heaven is the source whence come those tears mentioned above; and these are freely given to us, not obtained by our own industry. Thus I may indeed assure you, that this water will leave no love for the things of this world, so that the soul should be detained by them, unless it be to kindle this fire, if it can, since it is natural for it not to be content with a little space, but if it could, to inflame the whole world.

The second property of water is, to cleanse dirty things. If we had no water to wash with, what would become of the world? You know how well this “living water,” this celestial water, this pure water cleanses – when it is not troubled, and when it contains not any mud. And if we drink of it only once, I am certain it leaves the soul pure, and cleansed from all her faults. For, as I have said, God permits no soul to drink of this water, (since it does not depend on our will, this divine union being something very supernatural), except to purify her and leave her clean, and free from the mire and misery, wherein she was involved by her offences; for other consolations that come by the intervening of the understanding, however much they may effect, draw water which runs on the ground; they do not drink it at the fountainhead: hence, as the water always meets with some dirt in its course, this prevents it from being pure and clean. I do not call this prayer (which goes, as I have said, discoursing with the understanding), “living water;” according to my judgment I say, that however zealously we may desire to labour, our soul always contracts some impurity in spite of our will, and this body and vile nature of ours contribute much thereto. I will explain my meaning a little more. We are perhaps meditating on the character of the world, and how all things come to an end, so as to be excited to despise them; then, almost without our perceiving it, we find our thoughts engaged on things which we love; and though we desire to be free from them, we are distracted a little by thinking what this world has been; what it will be; what we did, and what we shall do. And sometimes, by thinking on what will be of help to us, in order to free us from such thoughts, we fall into new dangers. I do not wish that this meditation should be omitted; but we must fear, and not grow careless. Here, our Lord Himself takes this care upon Him, for He does not wish us to trust in ourselves: He values our soul so much, that He will not allow her to engage in things which may be injurious to her, during the time when He wishes to favour her: He immediately places her near Himself, and in an instant shows her more truths and gives her a clearer knowledge of what all things are than we can attain in this life during many years. Our sight is not free; the dust blinds us as we walk along; here our Lord brings us to our journey’s end, without our knowing how.

The third property of water is, that it satisfies and quenches the thirst; for it seems to me, that thirst implies the desire of a something which we stand much in need of, and which, if it cannot possibly be obtained, kills us. A strange thing, which, if we want, kills us; and if taken to excess, also destroys life; just as we see many who die through suffocation. O my Lord! who can be so happy as he who finds himself so engulfed in this “living water,” as to end his life therein? But cannot this be effected? Yes! indeed, for the love and desire of God may grow to such a height, that nature cannot endure it: and some persons there have been, who have died thus. I know one on whom this “living water” was poured so abundantly, that had not God come to her assistance, her raptures would almost have taken her senses away; I say, “would almost have taken her senses away,” because therein the soul does not work. It seems even that the soul, suffocated by not being able to endure the world, revives in God; and His Majesty now enables her to enjoy that, which if she remained in herself she could not, without losing her life. But here we must remember, that since there cannot be anything imperfect in our Supreme God, all that He gives is for our good; and therefore, however abundant this water may be, there is no excess; for no superfluity can be found in anything belonging to God; since if He bestows much, He disposes the soul (as I said), and makes her capable of drinking much, just as a glass-maker, who makes his glasses in whatever way he sees necessary for containing a certain quantity. Merely desiring this water is never without some defect, as such a desire comes from ourselves: if it should have anything good, it is through our Lord’s assistance therein.

But so indiscreet are we, that because it is a sweet and delightful pain, we think we can never be satisfied with it: we desire it without measure, and as much as we can, we increase this desire, and so it sometimes kills us. Blessed is such a death! And yet perhaps by living, such a person may help many others to die with the desire of such a death. And this I believe the devil does, because he knows the loss he will receive, if such an one lives; and so he tempts us here to indiscreet penances, which destroy our healthy and so he gains much.

I say then that whoever has this violent thirst, should be very careful, for let him be assured he will meet with this temptation; and though he may not die of thirst, he will lose his healthy and show it by exterior signs, even against his will, which by all means are to be avoided. Sometimes our diligence will avail but little, since we cannot conceal all that we desire. But let us be careful, when these great impetuosities come for increasing this desire, not to add to it; but with sweetness cut off the thread by some other consideration, for it may be that at times our nature will effect as much as love, for there are some persons who very vehemently desire anything, even though it should be bad. These, I think, are not so mortified as they ought to be, for mortification is useful in everything. It seems foolish to prevent so good an action, but it is not so; for I do not say this desire should be destroyed, but only checked; and this, perhaps, may be done by another desire, just as meritorious. I will use an example, to make myself understood.

Some one (let us suppose) has a strong desire of seeing himself immediately with God, and of being freed from this prison of the body, as St. Paul had. Now a pain for such an object, and which in itself is very delightful, will require no small mortification to moderate it; and this cannot be done entirely. But when one sees that it overcomes him in such a way, as almost to take away the judgment, as I saw one not long since, who though impetuous by nature, was still so accustomed to break his own will, that I thought he had quite lost it; yet, by what was seen in other things, I saw this person for a time almost mad with the great pain and violence he used to disguise this passion; then in such a strong case, though it were the Spirit of God, I consider it humility to fear; for we must not think we have so much true love, which places us in such great difficulties. I say then, I shall not think it wrong for a person to change her desire, if she can (though perhaps she cannot at all times); for she thinks that by living, she may serve God more; and by serving God more, may merit to be able to enjoy Him the more; yet let her fear for having hitherto served Him so little. These are consolations fit for so great an affliction, and thus she may lessen her pain and gain much, since in order to serve our Lord, she is willing to suffer here, and live with her cross. It is like consoling one who is in great affliction, or excessive torment, by bidding him have patience and resign himself into the hands of God, and let Him accomplish His will in me, since this resignation of ourselves is in all things the most secure course.

But what if the devil should, in some way, contribute to so vehement a desire? This is possible; as I think Cassian relates concerning a hermit who led a very austere life, and who was persuaded by the devil to cast himself into a well, in order to behold God the sooner. I am confident this man did not live with true humility, nor even a good life, for our Lord is faithful, and His Majesty would never have suffered him to be blinded in so manifest a case; but it is clear, that if the desire had been from God, it would not have hurt him, for it brings with it light, and discretion, and moderation (this is evident); but the sworn enemy of ours, whichever way he goes, seeks mischief: since then he is not idle, let us not be negligent. This is important for many things, as for shortening the time of prayer, however delightful it may be, when the corporal strength begins to fail, or it hurts our head: in everything discretion is necessary. For what purpose do you think, my daughters, have I endeavoured to explain the end, and show the reward before the battle, by telling you the advantages we may derive from drinking of this celestial fountain, and this living water? I have done so, in order that you may not complain of the pains and opposition which are to be found in the way, and that you may go on with courage, and not be weary; for (as I have said) it may be, that after you have arrived at the well, all you may want will be to stoop down and drink at this fountain; and still you may leave all things and lose this advantage, imagining that you have not strength to reach it, and that you are not fit for it. Consider, how our Lord invites all; He being truth itself, there is no reason to doubt. Were not this banquet open to all, our Lord would not call us all; and though He did, He would not say, “I will give you to drink.” He might say, “Come to me, all you that labour, and are burdened, and I will refresh you;” or, “If any man thirst, let him come to me and drink.” But as He speaks to all without this condition, I consider it certain that all those who do not loiter by the way shall not want this living water. May our Lord, who has promised it, give us in His mercy grace to seek it, as it should be sought.