The Way of Perfection · 15 of 46

Chapter 15: On the great benefit we derive from not excusing ourselves, though we may be convinced we have been

WHAT I am now about to induce you to do (viz. – not to excuse ourselves) – produces great confusion in me, for it is a very excellent practice and of great merit, because I ought to practise what I tell you concerning this virtue. Thus I acknowledge that I have made very little advancement in it; for methinks I never want a reason to imagine, that to make an excuse – shows more virtue in me. Now as it is sometimes lawful to make an excuse, and it would even be wrong to omit it, I have not the discretion, or to speak more properly – the humility to make it, when it is proper to do so. It is indeed a proof of great humility, to see one's self condemned without any reason, and at the same time to say nothing; this is a noble imitation of our Lord, who blotted out all our offences. I therefore earnestly entreat you, to use all possible care in this respect, because it brings great advantages with it; and I see no benefit in endeavouring to excuse ourselves, except it be (as I said) in certain cases which may cause offence, by not speaking the truth. She who has more discretion than myself, will easily understand this. I am persuaded it is very important to accustom one's self to this virtue, or to endeavour to obtain true humility from our Lord; from Him it must come, for one who is truly humble must sincerely desire not to be esteemed, but to be persecuted and condemned, though she may have given no cause. If we wish to imitate our Lord, wherein can we do better – than by imitating Him in this way? Here no corporeal strength is necessary, nor any one's assistance – except only God's.

These great virtues, my sisters, I wish to become our study and our penance: as to other severe and excessive penances, you already know that I keep you from them, because they may injure your health, if performed without discretion. In those others you need not fear, because the interior virtues, however great they may be, do not destroy the strength of the body, which is required for observing the rules, but fortify the soul; and (as I have said), persons may accustom themselves, in very small things, to gain a victory in great things. But how well have I spoken on the subject, and yet how careless in practising what I say! Indeed, I could never yet make this trial in matters of consequence, because I never heard any one speak ill of me; but I saw clearly it was far from being true; for though I may not have offended God in these particular cases, yet I have offended Him in many others, and I thought they favoured me greatly in omitting them, for I am always more delighted that people should say what is not true of me, than what is.

It helps us greatly if every one would consider how much is gained every way, for in my opinion nothing is lost. The principal gain is to imitate our Lord in something. I say "in something," for we may clearly see, that we are never blamed without having faults, of which we are quite full, since the just man falls seven times a day, and it would be a lie to say, "we have no sin." Thus, though it be not the same thing which they accuse us of, yet we are never altogether without fault.

O my Lord! when I consider in how many ways Thou didst suffer, and yet didst not at all deserve it, I know not what to say for myself, nor where my senses were, when I did not desire sufferings, nor where I am when I excuse myself. You know, O my God! that if I have any good, it has been bestowed by no one but You. And how are You restrained in giving me much rather than little? If it be because I do not deserve it, I deserve as little the favours You have bestowed on me. Is it possible I should wish any one to think well of a creature so bad as I am, when so many evil things have been spoken against You, who are the supreme Good above all goods? Do not suffer it, do not suffer it, O my God! nor let me desire that You should endure anything to be in your servant, which is not pleasing to you. See, O Lord! my eyes are blind, and are satisfied with very little. Give me light, and make me really desire, that every one may abhor me, since I have so often forsaken You, though You loved me with so much fidelity. What is this, O my God? What do we imagine we shall obtain by pleasing creatures? Why are we concerned in being falsely accused by all of them, if we are innocent before You, O Lord?

O my sisters! far, far are we from understanding this truth! And thus it is that we shall never arrive at the top of perfection, except we often carefully consider and observe what it is in reality, and not in appearance. When, then, there is no other benefit except the confusion which the person receives who accused you, by seeing you suffer yourselves to be condemned without cause, even this is a very great benefit. Such a virtue sometimes elevates a soul more than ten sermons. Now, we must all endeavour to be preachers by our works, since the Apostle and our own incapacity forbid us to be such in words. Never fancy that the good or the bad which you do, will be concealed, however strictly you may be enclosed. And think you, daughters, that though you do not excuse yourselves, you shall want one to defend you? Observe how our Lord answered for Magdalen in the house of the Pharisee, when her sister complained of her. He will not act with such severity towards you, as He did to Himself; for the good thief was not allowed to undertake His defence; till He was hanging on the cross. Thus His majesty will raise some one up to undertake your defence; and if not, there will be no necessity for one. This I have seen, and it is true (though I do not wish you to be influenced by this motive, but that you should rejoice when you are accused); as for the benefit you will perceive in your souls, time will convince you, and be a witness thereto. Then we begin to obtain liberty, and care no more about being ill than being well spoken of: it even appears to be as it were another's business, and is like two persons talking together, whose discourse not being with us, we are unconcerned about making any answer; they seem not to speak to us. This may seem impossible to us, who are so very sensitive, and too unmortified. At first, it is indeed difficult, but I know that by God's assistance, this abnegation and disengagement from ourselves may be acquired.