The Way of Perfection · 7 of 46

Chapter 7: She continues the same discourse on spiritual love, and gives some directions for obtaining it

IT is strange to see how vehement this love is: what beads, what penances, and prayers it costs! What care to recommend to all what it thinks may benefit such a soul with God, and that they may recommend it to God. What continual desiring to advance, and uneasiness if he sees there is no improvement! Then if he thinks he is much improved, and sees that he afterwards goes back a little, the lover seems to take no pleasure in his life – he neither eats nor sleeps, but he has this care upon him, always fearful whether the soul he loves so much may perish, and whether they must be eternally separated (for the death of the body in this world, such persons pay no regard to), since he does not wish to rely on an object, which in an instant escapes through our hands, without our being able to retain it. It is, as I have said, a love without any self-interest, great or small – all it seeks and desires is, to see that soul rich in heavenly goods. This, indeed, is love, and not those unhappy affections here below; but I do not mean "vicious and inordinate ones" – from these may God deliver us. We need not tire ourselves in speaking against an evil which is a very hell itself, the least of its effects cannot be sufficiently exaggerated. We ought not, sisters, even to mention the name of this love, nor imagine it is in the world; nor should we hear it named, either in jest or in serious conversation; nor should we allow persons to speak of it in our presence, nor mention such affections. It is good for nothing, and merely hearing it may hurt us. But I speak here (as I have said) of those other lawful loves, which we have one for another, and which exist between friends and relations. All the desire is, that the person beloved may not die: if his head ache, our souls seem to ache; if we see him in affliction, we lose our patience, as the saying is; and so with regard to everything else.

But this other love is not so; for though, through natural infirmity, we quickly feel something for the misery of others, yet reason immediately considers whether it be good for the soul, whether she grows richer in virtue, and how she bears it: then she begs of God to grant her patience, and to gain merit by these sufferings. If she sees that she is patient, then no trouble is felt, but rather joy and consolation, though such a lover would more willingly endure trouble, rather than see her endure it, could the merit and gain which are to be found in suffering be given over entirely to her, but not so as to trouble or disquiet herself thereat.

I say again, this love seems to imitate that love which Jesus – our good lover – bore us; and hence it proves so profitable, for it embraces all kinds of afflictions, that so others without any pain may reap the benefit thereof. Thus do they gain much, who are on terms of friendship with them; and believe me, they will either give up such intimate friendship, or obtain of our Lord that they may go along the same way, since they are travelling towards one and the same country. Thus did St. Monica pray for her son Austin. Their heart does not allow them to use double-dealing with their friends, or to see them in fault, if they think they can be of any service to them by their reproofs; and this they do not at any time forget to tell them of, through the desire they have to see them exceeding rich. What arts do they use for this purpose, though they care not for the whole world besides! They cannot prevail on themselves to act otherwise – they cannot flatter them, nor pass over any fault at all. They will therefore either correct themselves, or break friendship with them, since they cannot endure it, nor is it to be endured. There is a continual war between them; and though the one cares not for the whole world, nor heeds whether others serve God or not, because they mind only themselves, yet they cannot be so to their friends. Nothing is concealed from them – they discover there the least mote. I tell you, they carry a heavy cross. O happy souls, who are loved by such persons! Happy the day wherein they came to know them!

O my Lord! will you not do me the favour, that I may have many such to love me? Truly, O my Lord! I would more willingly obtain this, than be loved by all the kings and lords of the world; and with great reason, since these labour, by all possible ways, to make us such, that we may command the world itself, and make all things herein subject to us. When you are acquainted, sisters, with such persons as these, let the mother-prioress endeavour, with all diligence, that you may have an opportunity of consulting them. Love such as much as you like, as long as they continue such. They are few in number, but our Lord will not fail to make it known, when there is one who has arrived at such perfection. People may say to you, "There is no need of this; it is enough for us to possess God." But I reply, it is a good means of enjoying God, to be able to converse with his friends – great benefit is always obtained thereby: this I know by experience; and, next to God, I owe it to such persons as these, that I am not in hell – for I was very desirous for them to recommend me to God, and I likewise endeavoured to do so myself. But let us return to what we were speaking about.

This is the kind of love which I wish we had. Though at first it be not very perfect, our Lord will go on improving it. Let us begin by what is suitable to our means, for though we may meet with a little tenderness, it will do us no harm, as it is general. It is sometimes necessary and good to show some tenderness in affection, and even to have it, and to sympathize with some of the afflictions and weaknesses of the sisters, though the afflictions may be trifling. For it happens sometimes, that a very little thing troubles one quite as much as a great cross would do another; and persons of a timorous nature, are much afflicted at small things. If you have more courage, you must not fail to sympathize with others, and not wonder at their troubles; for perhaps the devil has employed his utmost power and strength therein, and this more so than he does to make you feel great torments and afflictions. And perhaps our Lord will be pleased to exempt us from these troubles, and we may find them in other things, and those trials which seem grievous to us, and that are so in themselves, will prove light to others.

Thus we must not judge in these matters by ourselves, nor esteem ourselves at a time when God has perhaps made us stronger – without any labour on our part; but let us estimate ourselves by the time when we were much weaker. Observe, that this advice is very useful towards making us know how to compassionate the miseries of others, however slight they may be, especially for those souls mentioned above; for as these desire crosses, they consider all but little; yet it is very necessary to be careful in reflecting on the time when they were weak, and to know that if still they be not such, it proceeds from themselves; for by this means the devil may be able to cool our charity for our neighbour, and make us take a fault for a perfection. In all things there is need of care and vigilance, since the devil slumbers not: and greater is required in those who aspire to higher perfection, because his temptations against them are much more concealed, for he dare not act otherwise; hence the mischief seems not to be discovered till it be done, unless (as I have said) care be used. In a word, it is necessary to watch and pray continually, for there is no better remedy for discovering those hidden snares of the devil, and for forcing him to a disclosure of them, than prayer.

Endeavour likewise to recreate yourselves with the sisters, when they find it necessary to use recreation, and this during the usual time, though you may have no inclination for it: if you act with discretion, all becomes perfect love. And so it is, that desiring to speak of that love which is not so perfect, I find no grounds whereby it seems proper for us to allow it an entrance amongst us in this house; for, granting it to be good, as I said, yet all must be referred to its original, which is the perfect love mentioned above. I thought of saying much about the other; but when I came to examine it deeply, it seemed I could not endure it here, considering our manner of living, and therefore I will not speak any more about it; for I trust in God, there will never be any occasion in this house for your loving in any other manner, though it may not be with all perfection possible. Thus, it is very proper you should compassionate the necessities of one another; but take care you do not fail in discretion or in obedience. Though what the superioress enjoins some, may seem in itself severe, do not discover this to any one but to the prioress herself, and this do with humility, otherwise you may cause much harm. And learn to know what those things are which deserve our pity, and have compassion on the sisters. Any imperfection that you observe in a sister, if it be known, should always affect you much. Here love is best discovered and exercised, in knowing how to bear it, and not to be astonished at it, (for so will others act with regard to those faults which you show in yourselves, and even to those which you do not see, which must doubtless be more numerous); and in recommending the sister earnestly to God, and by endeavouring yourselves to practise with great perfection the virtue which is contrary to the imperfection which you notice in another: force yourselves thereto, that you may teach by actions what perhaps she will not understand by speaking, or derive any profit from, even by punishment. But the method of practising the virtues which we see shine in others, does great good. This is good advice, and let it not be forgotten.

O! what excellent and sincere love has that sister, who can benefit all, and gives up her own profit for that of others, to advance them still higher in every virtue, and observe the rule with greater perfection. Better is this friendship than all the expressions of tenderness which can be uttered, and which are neither used, nor can be used, in this house; such as "My life, my soul, my good," &c., and other like expressions; for they call some by one name, and others by another. Let them reserve these endearing terms for their Spouse, seeing they are to be so much with Him, and so much alone; and it will be necessary to make use of all of them, since His Majesty allows it. If these words are often used in other ways, they will not soften the heart when we converse with our Lord; and except for this, they are useless. It is usual with women; but I do not wish you, my daughters, to be, or seem to be, women, but stout men, since if you do what lies in you, our Lord will make you so manly, that even men will wonder at you. And how easy is this for His Majesty, since He created us out of nothing.

It is likewise a very good sign of love, to endeavour to ease others of their labour, and to take it upon one's self, in the different duties of the house; and also to rejoice and to praise God exceedingly for the increase of their virtues. All these things (omitting the great benefit they bring with them) conduce much to the peace and mutual comfort of the sisters, as we now see by experience, through the goodness of God. His Majesty grant they may always increase; since were it otherwise, it would be a terrible thing, and very intolerable for you, who are few in number, to disagree; may God forbid this evil. But all the good, already begun by means of our Lord, must either be lost, or such great evil will not arise. If any be displeased, on account of some words hastily spoken, let the matter be speedily remedied, and let them pray much. And with regard to factions, or desires of superiority, or some punctilio of honour (and it seems my blood congeals when I write these words, to think that hereafter such evils may happen, since I see they are the principal evil of monasteries); when I say any such things shall happen, let them give themselves up for lost; let them imagine and believe that they have turned their Spouse out of doors, and that, in some degree, they for Him do go and seek another lodging, since they expel Him from His own house. Let them cry to His Majesty: let them procure a remedy, for unless frequent confession and communion obtain one, they may fear lest there be some Judas. For the love of God, let the prioress be extremely careful lest she give any occasion to this evil: let her be very diligent in stopping the beginnings, for therein lies all the mischief, or thereby a remedy may be applied. If she see any of the sisters is factious, let her be sent to some other monastery, for God will provide a dowry for her. Let this plague be driven away from them: let them cut off the branches as much as they can; or if this be not sufficient, let the root be pulled up; and when they cannot do this, let them keep her a close prisoner who shall attempt such things. To do this is much better, than that such an incurable pestilence should infect the whole house. O! how great an evil this is! May God deliver us from the monastery where it enters. I had rather a fire should seize the place, and burn us all up. But as I think I shall speak more on this matter elsewhere, because it is so important for us, I will not enter here into any further details. I would much rather the sisters should love one another tenderly, and with some fondness, though such love might not be so perfect (taken generally) as that mentioned before, than that there should be the least disunion. May our Lord, through His infinite Majesty, never allow this evil to happen. Amen. I beseech our Lord, and let all the sisters beseech Him, to deliver us from this disquiet, since this favour must come from His hand alone.